you're not crazy, the world is.
I need you to listen and listen good.
There is no need for unhealthy panic.
I've been in a funk since March. Oh, you too?
I have fought the funk by choosing to get in touch with the uncomfortable inexpressible groanings within the depths of my inner life. I've cried, prayed, worshiped, had rock concerts in my kitchen, danced like a maniac, been angry, and even muddled myself to the confessional to unpack my gross habits that lead me to my own destruction.
I've always envied singers who can just belt their emotions through a note that they uproot from the pits of their soul.
Thankfully, I am comforted by God who protects me and vividly shows it every day with many verses throughout all of scripture rooted in the truth that I am not passive prey for the world. I am not overcome by the world, nor am I supposed to bow down to darkness. No, I bow down to eternal brightness whose name is Savior, Redeemer, and King; Jesus.
Confiding to Jesus' authority and power is a choice, among many, that I am choosing several times an hour to combat this funk. In the words of Henri Nouwen, I really can't let my precious mind become the garbage can of the world. Do we really want our mind to be filled with things that confuse us, depress us, repulse us, or attack us? Do we want others to decide what enters into our mind and determine our thoughts and feelings?
Truthfully, all evil, negativity, and darkness has no power over us. Only what our minds freely choose to give it access to overpowers us. When a faithless generation wants to convince me that faith is getting me no where I am confused, sad, frustrated, and irritated because it's getting me everywhere. I am not choosing to believe Jesus is not good to me when He gives me everything, and more.
The temptation, and the whole world feels it, is to poison my beautiful mind "believing" Jesus won't make me happy. "And lead me not into this temptation, but deliver me from evil. Amen."
The problem is not God it is that I dare not ask anything big of Him.
And then history rewrites itself again and again because I go meandering with the serpent picking my own apples off the forbidden tree when I have milk and honey promised me over there.
During this pandemic, I got real honest with God. Like, real honest that I was throwing up over the lost time in my life that I couldn't get back. I felt trapped. I was in my head, and recoiling at the lies and fears and belief systems I lived in for far too long.
You know what He did. He provided. He led me to the bounty of independence, life, growth, love, and freedom. I made financial moves no one could imagine to happen in a global, economic pandemic, and I am soaring. It was all Him -- He is just using me to show off.
Jesus never promised the world would satisfy us. That's why He Himself promised to and then did it and still does it.
Jesus spent His days healing people to wholeness, consoling their hearts, and providing. When we dare not ask Him to bless, change, and help us in this life we miss the very depth of who we are as His Beloved's...knowing and feeling the worth we hold by the very breath of life He breathes in us. It is such an insane and inexhaustible love that no wonder the world cannot handle it and makes us try to live without it!! Gahhhh!!
If you're aware of the Stations of the Cross, there is a random one towards the end called "Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem." I remember at a really young age thinking, "why in the world is this random station about three crying women so important? Why did it make the cut for the 14 they chose???"
And then Corona Virus 2020 hit.
Jesus told these women to stop crying because He knew it was more sad to lose belief in God than to cry over His temporary suffering. Separation from God ... in disbelief, resistance, for the sake of some pleasure, in fear, of in ones own choice .... the death of the Spirit inside of you... is more unsettling than the Passion itself.
The only ounce of anxiousness we should feel these days is to be anxious and eager to approach such intense and radical Love. If we are to fear anything of this world we become less aware of the mightiness of God because as we have seen, fear of the world makes us turn in on ourselves.
Praise Our Father in Heaven who bears the dreams and love we hold in the depths of our hearts and waits with eagerness to gift them to us and seeks up out, knocking on doors everyday, to provide the path to get there.
Believe it. Don't add anything.
Just receive. He put in the work.
He'll raise up when the world puts Him in the dirt just like He always does.
Make your grown-up Christmas lists, now, and present them to the care of the Lord, for His birth is near and It tastes so sweet to Trust Him.