living in the ache.
I was out with a friend during corona. We were at a park chilling on a bench — shocked? — and I was pouring out to her a deep sense of restlessness and confusion I was experiencing.
Long story short, I needed to unpack. When she heard what I said she looked at me, smiled, and replied something that now sits in my brain everyday.
“you’re going to have to live in the ache.”
Anything that’s not at our fingertips is a longing, an ache. A desire that we want to grasp for but isn’t there.
You long for a dream job or opportunity to grow and invigorate you
You long for a new chapter of wellness
You long to be understood
You long for the company of another
You long for an embrace from a deceased relative and friend
You long to be with a dear friend or lover
You long for a night out with good friends
You long for the days of vibrant youth
You long for love and bliss and adventure
You long for a hug that feels like home
You long to never let go of a hug
You long for affection; a kiss, a handshake, an understanding shoulder rub
You long for an invite to an outing
You long for a cozy night with a lit candle
You crave a satisfaction
You crave a sense of vacation
You crave a great meal and a savory drink...but then long for completion... because dessert.
You crave a restful spirit gazing at the sunset
You crave the sound of waves and laughter
You crave a cup of coffee
You crave the solitude of self with God
You crave a need for being seen and loved
You crave a dance, underneath the moonlight
You crave a walk in the forrest abiding in the trees
You yearn to be with someone who gets it
You yearn to sit in silence
You yearn for romance
You yearn for happiness
You yearn to drink in a song, scenery, or book
You yearn to scream and shout
You yearn to clap and move and wiggle
Please, comment your own longing. I want to long for your longing with you.
It's crazy that even though I have family, friends, and loved ones, I’m still longing for depth in that.
Even though I’m so blessed to find 100 things per day to be grateful for, I long.
“I crave a completion that no human being can give — that no created thing can give — I walk this earth as yearning incarnate. I am not home. I am homesick for a homeland I recall... but have not yet seen.” -Erik Varden
I can’t get no satisfaction plays in my head as I write this... but my mood is more somber. I’m not jamming to the guitar riff but I’m smiling that soft kind of smile that makes me rest in the fact that I am restless.
In two minutes I’ll be jumping around .... 10 minutes later eating lunch..... then disengaged and ready to sleep.
never content in one spot.
And maybe that’s the goodness we don’t have to overthink. Maybe that's the goodness of God manifesting Himself little by little.... piece by piece... in the unrest.
Corona life lesson 4102: I’m not forcing myself to get out of this yearning because I can’t. It's my identity. It's a good yearning. It's pointing to the likeness of Heaven, my real home.
Me to me: “I’m restless because this isn’t home.” (Repeat 400x a day)
I meditate and recall, more than anything else, these five senses God created within me. These 5 supernatural abilities that I can't see but I know they exist because of how they illuminate my experiences. These things that help me love and create. These gifts that awaken me. He gave them to me to breathe Him in. Is it weird that I am resting in my inexhaustible ability to be restless because of my senses?
“How rarely souls let Him sleep within their souls” says St. Theresé of Lisieux. I imagine because all we do is try to race and stimulate our minds, bodies, and souls. Seeking satisfaction in the inevitable ache of every day, getting lost in it.
Chipotle, another movie, another facetime, another check of email or facebook, another relationship, another, another, another...
when all God wants to do is lay back and abide
heart to heart
soul to soul
ear to ear
center to center
spirit to spirit
...ones ability to rest resting the other.
...deeeep worship and adoration of each other.
Who would have thought that living in the ache is cured by resting in the ache, sleeping with Christ. What a paradox.
Ah, mere goodness.
Meet the Author:
Shannon is an energetic family girl who loves the Lord. She serves ministry in Philly and works closely to young girls and Theology of the Body. Shannon writes, prays, reads, and gets her fitness on in her free time. She is the Director of More Goodness Now and has a podcast in the same name that you can listen to here: anchor.fm/moregoodness